Wolves, Coyotes, and Foxes…Oh My!
by NebulaBelt
Summary: Rahne is stuck on an insane date and has to put up with a crazy coyote, a flirtatious fox, and some wild wolves. Crossover with Fables.


**Wolves, Coyotes, and Foxes…Oh My!**

**By** **NebulaBelt**

&&&

"The perfect day," Rahne sighed as she walked into her room. She had just gotten back from her lunch date with Doug, having breezed through her morning Danger Room session in record time winning the very rare compliment from Logan. Plus she'd received an email from Sharon (a.k.a. Catseye) inviting her to go on a shopping trip in Boston.

Rahne collapsed back on her bed and looked up at the ceiling with a contented smile on her face. Life was good.

She leapt up when her door was knocked down with a crash. "What the—"

"DOGGY!" Trinity shouted as they flew in.

"Oh no…" Rahne moaned. "The trifecta from hell. So much for my perfect day. What do you maniacs want?"

"Well we heard about your date with Dougie…" Daria began.

"How did you—" Rahne started to ask before catching herself. Trinity had better spying capabilities than any three spy networks you could name. "Never mind."

"And we thought, 'wait a minute, that's not fair.' What about your significant other?" Brittany pondered. Rahne looked at her oddly.

"By which we mean your wolf side." Quinn explained. "Can Doug possibly satisfy the wolf's need for companionship?"

"Hardly!" Daria snorted. "So we figured we'd find a boyfriend for your wolf half!"

"Oh no…" Rahne blanched as she realized where this was going. "You **didn't**…"

"Honey, I'm home!" The Coyote smiled cheekily as he bounded into the room.

"No way!" Rahne protested hotly. "Not a chance! There is no way I would ever go on a date with that mutt and—wait what is that?" She asked as she pointed at the device the Delgado girls held in their hand. "That looks like Forge's animal scan—oh no."

"Yup." Trinity grinned as they activated the scanner. A familiar blue light bathed over Rahne and she felt herself forcefully turned into her wolf form.

"Not again." Rahne whined as she atop a pile of her clothes.

"Have fun you crazy canines!" Brittany giggled as she pushed a button and activated the Mass Device, transporting both Rahne and the Coyote out of the Institute.

"So now what do we do?" Quinn asked. Daria just picked up Rahne's clothes up from off the floor.

"Wanna try on her clothes?" She suggested.

"Sure!"

&&&

When the Mass Device had completed its cycle, Rahne found herself stuck in the middle of the woods of upstate New York.

"Oooh what a lovely place for a picnic!" The Coyote chirped.

Along with some unwanted company.

Rahne just gaped in disbelief as the Coyote pulled a blanket and picnic basket out of nowhere and set up a candle. "Want to split some spaghetti and meatballs?" The Coyote asked. "We could share them a la _The Lady and the Tramp_?"

"Listen you unholy lovechild of Wiley Coyote and Pepe LePew…" Rahne growled.

"Listening." The Coyote confirmed.

"I am not a coyote…I'm not even a wolf. I am a human being and there is no way, come hell or high water that I would ever go on a date with you!"

"So what you're telling me to do is basically to leave you alone, right?" The Coyote inquired.

"Exactly!" Rahne said happily.

"Even though you don't know where you are or how you're going to get back to the Institute?" The Coyote continued.

"Uhmm…." Rahne winced. She'd forgotten about that.

"And even though Forge's little thingamabob left you trapped in your wolf form, unable to turn back into a human and when you do you'll be stark naked?" Rahne gulped when she remembered what happened last time. The scanner forced her to change form without her clothes. When she turned back… "Well if you want me to leave…" The Coyote turned to go.

"Wait!" Rahne blurted out. "I mean…please don't leave."

"I knew you'd see it my way." The Coyote preened. "Shall we eat smoopsy-poo?"

"Don't ever," Rahne growled. "Call me that again." She sat back down. "Come on, we might as well get this over with. Pass me that chicken wing."

"Want any gravy?" The Coyote asked.

"Is that actual gravy or just that dogfood stuff that 'makes its own gravy?' " Rahne asked as she gnawed the meat off the bone. "Or do I not want to know?"

"You've got a smutz right here." The Coyote said as he pointed to his own muzzle. "I'll get it." He leaned over and licked the bit of chicken right off Rahne's muzzle.

"Hey!" Rahne protested angrily. "That's it! You're dead!" She lunged at the Coyote who merely leapt away and laughed.

"Oooh a nice little chasing game huh? How kinky! I'll be the robber and you be the cop! I hope you've got some handcuffs 'cause I've been a very naughty doggy." The Coyote chuckled as he wagged his tail suggestively and started to run.

"You sick creep! I'll kill you and make a coat out of your fur!" Rahne screeched as she chased after him.

"So we'll always be close! That's so sweet." The Coyote gushed. "How about you make it some lingerie instead? Rarrr."

"Grrrrrr…." Rahne growled as she chased after the Coyote who always seemed just one step ahead of her.

Before Rahne even realized it, she and the Coyote had run into a small farm community. Only it was unlike any town she'd ever seen. There was a giant barn next to a garden, but also houses unlike any she'd ever seen. One was like a miniature castle, another looked like a mushroom, and one…Rahne was tempted to rub her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things—looked like a giant boot.

"It's like Old MacDonald meets Walt Disney meets Munchkinland." Rahne blinked as she stopped chasing the Coyote. The Coyote also stopped.

"Do you want to go for a roll in the hay?" Rahne looked murder at him.

"What. Did. You. **_Say_**?!" She growled. The Coyote hopped into the open barn and started rolling around in the hay.

"It's fun! Roll…roll….roll in the hay. Roll, roll, roll in the—**HEY**!" The Coyote yelped as he fell inside a hay stack. Rahne just shook her head and walked away into the woods.

"What a day." She moaned. "Maybe if I backtrack my steps I can—"

"Tag! You're it!" Rahne barely had time to look before she was nearly flattened by a pack of wolves leaping on her.

"Gotcha Blossom!" One of them laughed as he perched himself on Rahne's head.

"What're you talking about?" A reddish colored wolf asked as she walked around from behind a tree. "I'm over here!"

"Then who's this?" One of the wolves on top of Rahne asked. "A real wolf that wandered on the farm?"

"Gerroff!" Rahne mumbled from beneath them. The six wolf cubs on top of Rahne looked at each other in amazement. They climbed off her and sat and stared at her.

"Wow…" They said in unison. Rahne just blinked at the sight of half a dozen wolves just slightly smaller than her in colors ranging from brown to tallow to red and all of them capable of speech.

"Whoo boy." Rahne winced.

"Cool!" One of them said. "Another talking wolf fable! What's your name? I'm Conner!"

"I'm Winter!"

"And I'm Darien!"

"My name's Blossom, we look alike!" This was the red-furred wolf with a girl's voice.

"My name's Therese."

"And I'm Ambrose!"

"Uh, my name's Rahne." She said. "Are you all mutants? Where am I?"

"Whatsa mutant?" Darien asked.

"And you're on a farm silly!" Therese giggled. "Are you from the Homelands?"

"Homelands?" Rahne repeated feeling confused. "Can someone please explain what's going on here?"

"Hellooo beautiful." A red fox whistled as he emerged from the bushes, his bushy red tail swaying from side to side.

"Gyaah!" Rahne yelped at the sight of the talking fox. "Who are **YOU**?"

"Uncle Reynard!" The cubs cheered.

"Hi kiddos." The fox nodded at them before turning back to Rahne. "Allow me to introduce myself." The fox bowed elegantly. "Reynard the Fox, Esquire. Nice to see a cute new face around the farm. You new to Fabletown?"

"Fabletown?" Rahne blinked. "Is that where I am?" Reynard barked laughter.

"This is the farm…Fabletown is down in the city." Reynard narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "If you're new in from the Homelands perhaps you'd like to have dinner with me and…"

"Hey, get your sneaky, chicken-stealing paws off my girl!" The Coyote said as he ran out of the barn, shaking hay from his fur.

"I don't need this…" Rahne shook her head and then stared in amazement as the largest wolf she—or anyone—had ever seen walked into the open. He was as large as a house, and covered in dark black fur. When he hunched his back and growled it was easily the most terrifying thing she'd ever seen. Relying solely on instinct, Rahne arched her back and growled back at him, showing no fear.

"What's going on here?" The immense wolf rumbled in a voice that could knock walls down.

"Daddy!" The wolf cubs said happily.

"Daddy?" Rahne repeated in amazement. Her awe was soon replaced by shuddering as she felt a draft.

"Oh no…" Rahne whined in utter embarrassment and humiliation as she turned back to a human: a **naked** human.

"Hey, she's a girl!" Darien exclaimed. "She can turn into a wolf like us!" Even as Rahne scrambled to cover herself with her hands, the wolf cubs all changed from wolves into kids, three girls and three boys. None of them were wearing anything either.

"Kids," The giant wolf groaned. "Where did you leave your clothes this time?"

"Hey what's going on here?" Two women, one with short red hair and another with long black hair asked as they ran up.

"Mommy!" The kids shouted as they ran to the black haired woman.

"Bigby?" The woman asked as she turned to the giant wolf. "Who's that girl?"

"I'm trying to figure that out Snow." Bigby grunted as he turned back to Rahne. "Who are you and how did you get here?"

"Look I'll be happy to explain everything," Rahne choked as she blushed horribly, on the edge of tears. "If you please, **please**, **_please_** get me some clothes!" She wailed.

Snow's sister, Rose Red, decided to take pity on Rahne and walked up to toss her jacket around Rahne's shoulders. "Come on, let's go. Bigby? Join us in a minute?"

"Sure thing," The giant wolf grunted. "Now will you kids please go get your clothes now?"

&&&

"There. That better?" Snow asked Rahne as she escorted the poor girl inside a house in the woods and sat her down on a couch. Rahne, still clutching the jacket around her in an attempt to preserve what was left of her modesty, nodded numbly.

"Let me introduce ourselves." Rose Red said. "I'm Rose Red, administrator for the Farm Annex here and this is Snow White."

"Snow White? Like the fable Snow White?" Rahne asked.

"I **am** that Snow White." Snow told her sighing. "And you're not a fable, are you?"

"No…I'm a mutant." Rahne blinked. "Wait, you mean all those fables and stories are **true**? And you're **that** Snow White?"

"You got it." Rose Red nodded. "She's my sister."

"I've never heard of you." Rahne said to her.

"No one has." Rose grumbled in annoyance. Snow decided to steer the conversation towards a less touchy subject.

"You've already met my kids and husband, Bigby Wolf."

"All six of them are yours? And that huge wolf is your husband?" Rahne goggled. "Wait a minute. Bigby? Big B? Bigby Wolf? As in **Big** **Bad** **Wolf**?"

"Smart kid." Bigby said as he strode in as a human "Usually it takes people longer to figure it out." He was a Caucasian man with a five o'clock shadow and was smoking a cigarette. Bigby had the attitude and even a certain physical resemblance to Logan, Rahne thought.

"I thought Snow White married Prince Charming." Rahne noted, confused. Snow's eye twitched.

"He's my **ex**-husband and don't get me started on that creep!" Snow snapped. "You should here some of the stories Cinderella and Briar Rose—you probably know her as Sleeping Beauty—have got on that sorry sack of…"

"Who's watching the kids?" Rose Red asked.

"Boy Blue is watching them." Bigby answered. "So what're we going to do with a Mundy who knows about us?" He asked as he took a drag on his cigarette.

"Mundy?" Rahne asked.

"Mundane. Any non-fable." Rose Red explained. "The long and the short of it is that everyone here—as well as another community down in New York City itself—are fables."

"We come from the Homelands, hundreds if not thousands of little kingdoms where the fables you people tell each other are played out." Snow White took up the tale. "We're basically immortal. A few hundred years ago, an enemy known only as the Adversary started conquering the Homelands, kingdom by kingdom. By the time we realized the real scope of the danger it was too late. The Adversary had conquered everything."

"Those he didn't kill or enslave fled through gateways to this world, the only one out of his reach. We established Fabletown in New York City back when it was still New Amsterdam and built a community out of thousands of fables, forgiving all old crimes and grudges." Rose finished. "We've lived in secret not letting any Mundy find out about our true nature."

"So what're you going to do with me?" Rahne gulped nervously.

"Maybe we can get Frau Totenkinder to wipe her memory." Rose Red suggested. "I'd really hate to do anything worse to just a kid than having the old witch mess with her head." This didn't make Rahne feel that much better especially since she remembered some of the German Kurt had taught her. _Toten_ in German meant death and _kinder_ meant children. So the person they were talking about was a witch whose name basically translated to Mrs. Child-Killer.

To say the least, this didn't make Rahne feel all that relieved. She barely even noticed the Coyote and Reynard entering the room and taking up positions on either side of her on the couch an alternatively looking at her and glaring at each other.

"Look, I swear I can keep a secret!" Rahne promised. "I mean you all saw that I'm a mutant, how I can change form from human to wolf? I know what it's like having to hide your real nature from the world. We had to do it too! I can keep your secret!"

"There are rules." Snow said stubbornly. "I am—or rather, was—Deputy Mayor of Fabletown. I just can't alter those rules."

"A mutant, huh?" Bigby sniffed. "You know a guy named Logan? Canadian?"

"Yes, he's one of my instructors." Rahne confirmed slowly. "How did you know?"

Bigby smiled. "I have a great sense of smell, being what I am. Being a wolf yourself you can probably realize just how much information can be gathered through sent. But with me, I can smell people from miles away and know what they're doing, who they've been what, and where they've been. That's why I smoke so much. The overload will drive me nuts if I can't try to deaden by senses with this stuff. Anyway, about old Logan I recognized his scent on you. I fought with him during the Second World War. I thought there was something strange about him even then. I felt that we were kindred spirits: Both wild, feral men who're much older than we look. So here's the deal kid. Because Logan and I are old war buddies, I'm going to let you keep your memories."

"**_What_**?!" Snow and Rose shouted in disbelief. Bigby held up a hand. Reynard looked happy. The Coyote less so.

"There are conditions." Bigby said firmly looking Rahne square in the eye. "Number One: You do not tell anyone, and I mean anyone about us without my say so. And I've got people monitoring fables outside of Fable Town so I'll have someone drop in on you from time to time to make sure you remember your promise. And Number Two…" Bigby smiled coyly. "Consider yourself on baby-sitting duty in we ever need you. The kids like you."

"They do?"

"They'd love the chance to play and tussle with an older wolf. Have someone show them the ropes beside their old man." Bigby nodded.

"At the Institute I have clothes that can transform with me when I change form." Rahne said. "I think I could have some made for the kids if you'd want."

"That would be terrific!" Snow exclaimed, her earlier reluctance forgotten.

"And I could help keep our lovely lassie company." Reynard grinned cheekily as he placed his paws on Rahne's leg.

"Um, you do realize that I'm a human not an animal right?" Rahne asked him. "I mean, the Coyote hits on me when I'm a wolf but I'm a human. Get it?"

"So?" Reynard shrugged. "You're a hot babe in either form. And who better than I am qualified to declare you a total fox?" Rahne looked remarkably put off by the thought of being lusted after by a talking fox. Snow winced on Rahne's behalf.

"You're in for a ride kid." She told Rahne. "Reynard hit on me all the time, right up to when I married Bigby! And a bit afterward come to think of it."

"Hey! I saw her first!" The Coyote protested as he growled at Reynard.

"I let Snow bunny slip away, I'm not going to do it again!" Reynard snapped back. The Coyote leapt over Rahne and at Reynard and the fox counterattacked.

"Oh god this is all I need." Rahne groaned as she covered her eyes. "I've become the new Kitty!"

"When you go, be sure to take that Coyote with you. He's almost as much trouble as Reynard!" Snow groaned. "I'll go see about getting you some of my old clothes and arranging for a spell to take you back home. Come on Rose."

After Snow and Rose left, Rahne turned to Bigby. "Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked.

"Because I figure that the Adversary will strike at us sooner or later and it'll be good to have allies he doesn't know about hiding in the wings." He shrugged, "He's already tried it once. Besides, you've got guts and I admire that."

"You think so?" Rahne blushed. Bigby nodded.

"Most wolves naturally defer to me. Mundy wolves treat me like a god. You held your ground. You were scared of me but were ready to fight me if you had to. That's **very** impressive."

"Give these to Logan" Bigby pressed a set of old dog tags into Rahne's hands. "Just in case the old dog gives you trouble over where you've been. And tell him that Bigby says he still owes me fifty bucks over our bet. I told him that bastard Hitler would off himself. Never bet against a coward acting cowardly I say."

"Thank you." Rahne said again. Bigby winked at her.

"Listen pup, if you ever want some extra training when you come here to baby-sit the cubs just say the word. I'll teach you some tricks that'll have Logan turning green with envy!"

"Really?" Rahne asked, her eyes wide.

"You don't live as many centuries as I do and not pick up a few things, especially when you're the biggest baddest wolf there is." Bigby confirmed. "Ooof!" He whuffed as Rahne threw her arms around him.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" She gushed happily.

After she got dressed in Snow White's old clothes and said her good-byes to the cubs (at which time Reynard gave her a surprise kiss good-bye. It was **very** weird for Rahne), Rahne found herself magicked back to her room along with the Coyote, who was very put out by the fact that he now had a rival.

Rahne was annoyed to find Trinity rummaging through her drawers and trying on her underwear over their clothes. "So, umm how was your date?" Brittany asked innocently.

Rahne felt an eye twitch. "_Somehow I think babysitting half a dozen kids who can turn into wolf cubs is going to be easier than dealing with these three._" She thought to herself.

&&&

**THE END**

**A/N:**

**X-Men: Evolution is © to Marvel Comics**

**Trinity is © to Red Witch**

**Fables is © to Bill Willingham and Vertigo Comics**


End file.
